I Didn't Even Noet

This summer, I officially moved out of my parents house. I haven't lived there for six years, but finally got around to cleaning out the rest of my closet in my room that is no longer my room. I left there a big oak chest that I made in high school and that I filled with my "life" from kindergarten through college. Pictures, letters, yearbooks, leaf books, videos, knee pads, awards, paintings, special things from my ancestors, and so much more. Matt helped me bring it all to our house. The chest now sits in our living room and I spent weeks sorting through all of my memories and putting the important things in a different chest underneath our staircase. Every night that I would set out to organize it, I spent hours reading and remembering all of the good times I've had. I reminisced until my knees hurt. Among all the fun things that I'd found, were some of my writings from high school. I was quite impressed with myself at the time but I remember putting them away feeling very embarrassed about anyone ever seeing them while thinking to myself, "I bet someday I'm going to be glad I kept these." I am. They made me laugh and they're not quite as silly as I remembered them.

Angel Child
By Anna D
Apostrophe (must have been for a class?)

Far beyond the reach of my reason,
Away from all that I know.
Where praises are sung throughout each season;
You dwell but have yet to grow.

You dwell in this place where angels abound
Just as I did long ago,
Before I was picked to be brought to the ground,
And to my mother did go.

You do not know me, angel child,
But I ask you if I may
Speak to you with voices mild
And see you soon, I pray.

My baby, my child, my life, my sweet,
My all, my dream come true.
My girl, my boy, my love and joy,
My everything that I do;

You are but a vision in the eyes of our Lord
And one day to me you will come.
And on that day His love will be poured
In the miracle knit in my womb.

I do not know yet, first born kin,
Who your daddy will be.
But I pray that your heart he will win and hope that somewhere within
His mind he thinks of you and me.

Keep safe now, my dear, and know
That I'm down here waiting for you.
Say hello to the others; your sisters and brothers,
And tell them I miss them too.

Why on earth I was thinking so deeply about having babies is beyond me. But it gets worse...This is a poem I wrote "to my husband" as we are lying next to each other and I am thinking back to when we first met. When I wrote this, I'd never even kissed a boy.

To My Husband
By Anna D
Age 16

I lie in silence my beloved still sleeping
Seeing his face I cry
Not sadness nor fear are at fault for my weeping
But the graces that God not deny.

My mind wonders back to a time of before
What I would have given to know what was in store.

Each night my prayers went up to understand
What love would find me, what love by man?

Was I wrong to believe in fate or first sight?
It was time that was telling me so.
Could I last, could I stand, could I put up the fight?
My heart could not bear one more blow.

"All I ask of Thee is a simple boy."
Ha! This lie I was to ignore!
This plea I soon made grow to destroy
And the boy became so much more...

"God make dark and strong and tall
And God, the next day please make him call."

"Let him be perfectly fitted for me
From his cowboy boots to his hat, can't you see."

"That he should be smart and innocent is fine
And he has a last name that fits well with mine."

"His morals are strong, he keeps me calm
His kiss will melt me away.
His skills in wrestling and golf and baseball
Are likely to come in handy someday."

"For in the cute little town we will live
Not too far from home,
We will find lots of love and joy all around
In the kids we will have of our own."

"A prince or a rancher will suite me just fine
But PERFECT is just my type.
My lover will always come home to me
And know that I am always right."

The time that was hurting me also led me to see
All I was begging You for.
Soon I opened my eyes and I opened my heart
And revised my wishes once more...

"Lord, make him beautiful, if only to me
Soon may his hand meet mine.
Soon will he come I ask of Thee,
Though I know, I know not the time."

Twas by faith that my love now finds me here
Our prayers He had not ignored.
Shall nothing be hidden and all be given
When you put your trust in the Lord.

That's not all. Around the same time (probably age 15) I wrote a list of all the attributes I look for in "my man."

• Tall and solid
• When he grows up he's going to look like Santa Claus
• He wants to live just like me in the middle of nowhere
• He is simple, straight forward, and maybe not super smart, but extremely full of common sense
• He has dark hair and blue eyes
• he likes kids and will have many of them
• Just like John Zachman, he will grow up to be a perfect grandpa and tell little jokes like, "money is the last thing I worry about because it's the last thing that I have."
• He will be conservative
• He butt will look so nice in a baseball uniform
• He'll love Don Williams and all good music
• He plays golf on his free time
• He's a good kisser
• He has good hands (highly suggested)
• He can dance
• He doesn't get wasted drunk
• Good morals
• Good movie pics
• He's a good snuggler
• He doesn't mind me picking all over him
• He's a guy guy
• He wrestled
• He can bite his lip
• Not super rich
• Has a last name that fits well with me
• Doesn't chew
• Likes my weird toes
• Can stand my stubbornness
• Understands my family
• Likes to be outdoors
• Innocent
• Can tell a good story

We all shoot for 100% but I think 90% is okay too. Especially if he adds a couple of things to the list that I didn't even think of. Like, he uses words like "uncouple" and "retard" and other nautical terminology in everyday language. Or he doesn't mark the page when he sets a book down. Or his favorite CD is the score to Battlestar Galactica. And it just might be the fact that he makes me dinner every night and has it ready when I get home from work. It could be that he won't admit that he has a speech impediment or blonde hair. No, I'm definitely only in love with him for that dimple...